We have one important thing to clear up with all of you before we celebrate together: Moonie and Andrew’s wedding is a queer one! Moonie is a nonbinary person and uses They/Them/Theirs pronouns and Andrew uses He/Him/His. Both are bisexual. Moonie and Andrew are a couple, partners, spouses-to-be.
Why are we telling you this? Partly because we want to manage expectations on what this wedding will look like – lots of the gendered traditions you may be used to will be either modified or skipped, based on the couple’s desires. The other important reason is to make sure you’re up for it. Many of Moonie and Andrew’s friends and loved ones also exist somewhere under the LGBTQIA+ umbrella, and we love them as much as you love us.
If you feel that you do not want to or are not capable of using the pronouns someone has picked for themselves, have moral reservations about queerness, or think that “love the sinner, not the sin” is an acceptable way to view our extended family, we ask that you kindly excuse yourself from the festivities. We want to make sure everyone we have invited to our special day feels as safe and loved as we do.
Why did I have to tell you my pronouns when I RSVP’d?
We will be printing name tags with pronouns at the ceremony to make it a little easier to get to know each other. Moonie and Andrew have lots of friends from lots of different walks of life, and can’t wait to introduce you to each other!
What do I do if I use the wrong pronouns when talking to or about someone?
Great question! We assume you’re cool with respecting others’ identities if you’ve made it this far. It can make others feel uncomfortable when you misgender them – where you’ve used the wrong pronouns on accident. Intentional misgendering is not acceptable.
If you notice someone make a mistake, politely correct them. Say, “(name), uses (pronouns).”
If you make a mistake, say, “I’m sorry, (name)”, correct yourself and move on. Then, practice on your own. Try saying a sentence with the correct pronouns in your head 10x when you’ve made a mistake, and it doesn’t end up happening more than once or twice.
What about gendered adjectives?
If you are trying to compliment someone on their appearance, first check that the compliment is appropriate. Are you saying something nice about something they chose for themselves? Avoid commenting on someone’s body. If you use a heavily-gendered word like beautiful or handsome, though, pay attention to the person you’re talking to. Do they light up or shut down when you say that word? If it’s a negative response, change your tune. Try flipping to the other gender or using positive words without heavy connotation, like cool, stylish, or radiant. If you’re unsure, you can always ask first as well!
Finally, if you have any other questions, are uncomfortable with any part of this message, or want to say hi, reach out to Moonie and/or Andrew directly. We are happy to chat! Being queer or an ally and a kind person are things to be proud of.